I don’t think anyone really cares about hearing how beautiful the Vatican is or how enormous the Colosseum is. In a conversation with someone it might be cool to hear about but who seriously cares enough to read paragraphs about architecture. So I won’t bore you with a detailed account of our day to day activities. Instead I’ll focus on some of the funny situations we got ourselves into. For the R rated stuff it’ll have to be offline

So anyway, here is a story from Spain:

We arrived in Spain after one month in Italy (which was definitely the highlight of the trip). We got super lucky with the weather and it was low to mid 20’s every day which was uncharacteristic for October. From Italy we went to Spain and we flew into Madrid expecting similar kinds of weather. We touched down about 11pm and hadn’t thought to book any accomodation (an organisational problem we have never quite resolved) and it was freezing. It would have been about 8 degrees with a fierce wind blowing and I was in shorts and Tali was wearing a thin jumper.

We hadn’t bothered to look up anything about Spain so we just rocked up in Madrid with no idea where to go so after getting a train to the centre we started trudging around in the freezing cold and ended up in a filthy den of sin. On the second night the guy in the room next to us (old and fat) hired a prostitute and for the next 30 minutes spoke in a deep Spanish voice, like some Antonio Banderas nightmare. The prostitute screamed and shouted the whole time in such an exaggerated way that we were lying on our backs in silence staring at the roof, dumbfounded. At one point it sounded like there was an exorcism going on and she was roaring in a deep satanic voice and I thought our paper thin wall was going to cave in. By this point it was 2 or 3am and we were incredibly pissed off. But the room was so cheap we sucked it up for a few more days.

We didn’t do much in Madrid, just a lot of shopping for Tali and endless tapas. There are meant to be some good museums there but after Italy we were cultured out. If I ever see a renaissance painting again I’m going to destroy it. Tali and I both love theme parks - the rides, the fairy floss and all the dudes dressed up as cartoon characters, so we decided to go to Movie World. We got on a train about midday and after a few hours we arrived and everyone was dressed up for Halloween and the rides were all huge.
 
At the end of the day we went into a haunted/horror house with real people dressed up and as you walk through they jump out at you. We thought we were going on the batman ride (bad Spanish) and Tali was very unimpressed. The actors could smell Tali’s fear and picked on her the whole way through. This one girl dressed as a zombie bride/dead woman with a stake in her head came walking towards us with her hair covering her face. Just as she walked past us she lifted her face and hands and screamed in Tali’s face. Tali screamed at the top of her lungs right back at her (bloodcurdling) and fell into me and two other random guys, grabbing onto my shirt and another guy’s shirt with a vice grip and trembling. The actor got such a scare from Tali’s scream that she jumped back about 5 metres and then scurried off to change her undies.